OUT OF MY MIND - BACK IN FIVE MINUTES

Post 63 - July 14th, 2026

If this post looks to have a mock John theme, then seriously I reckon you are reading it correct. Because for me, I often make mocking a thing of fun, it's the Aussie way of taking the total piss out of someone or something. Example, remember Umpire Vernon, because I do, but do I mock him regarding how he robbed the Cats of the 1997 AFL premiership when he didn't pay that obvious courageous pack mark to Cats player Leigh Colbert at Football Park in Adelaide? Well, of course I do because the 1997 AFL Premiership Cup should read Cats not Cows. Mocking Umpire Vernon is the right thing to do.

But that is not the purpose of this post, I mean, it is not about me further mocking Umpire Vernon. Because as we all know, he is in witness protection and deserves that type of life, but one day, and I mean one day, I will find you Grant Gordon Vernon, I will find you and I will mock you, over and over. So yes, I digress, but my shrink from yesteryear Doctor Nic always told me I was the master of digression. Good call Nic, as opposed to that bad call from Umpire Vernon at Footy Park in Adelaide in September 1997.

Anyhow, as said, that is not the purpose of this post. Nope, here I will mock, that's a given, in fact I will mock over and over, but the person being mocked is me. Yeah, I have gone down a rabbit hole with my Lewy Body Dementia and the only way to see this as positive is to mock and laugh. I mean, God must love stupid people, he made so many of us.

So, what brings this on. My LBD progresses and I am somewhat unit bound here in Ballarat. It is safer that way, the less people I see at the minute, the less people I talk with and interact with the less chance I have of messing up. Because I am messing up, like forgetting who people are, forgetting the things I have done, blank moments that are embarrassing and lead to me sadly just staring off into the distance totally forgetting where I am. There are so many ways for me to mess up it seems.

So, now context for my latest balls up. After 192 days off-grid at Lake Burrumbeet I have been back at Wendouree Lodge in Ballarat for over a month, struggling being indoors and really not being in the best spot emotionally. Last week Ruth headed across to Adelaide, school holiday time means grandkid time for her, something she needs and something she loves to do. This time I did not travel with her; I stayed back at the unit on my own.

And being on my own came with a strict set of instructions, what not to do, what not to do, what not to do and what not to do. It was in my own best interest to know what not to do. 

And I did so very well, I really did good, ok except for the last day. Mmmmmmmmm, ok, well, by the last day I figured I had a trip to the local shops at Stocklands covered. Easy, no issue and importantly no mocking at this point.

I understood the walk, understood everything. The time it would take, the exact route, the logistics of walking over and back, of course remembering my past faux paus and wanders around the Wendouree suburban neighbourhood as a lost old man who had no idea where he was. 

And very importantly, I understood my physical issues, my limitation around pain and lack of energy, so yeah, I planned good, I dosed up on meds, brilliant, had that bit covered.

So, this time it was different I figured, I prepared impressively, I ticked all my safety and strategy boxes, and I decided I could do it. In less than an hour I would walk to the shops, get what I needed, walk back and nobody would ever know. Nobody needed to know. Clever John would have done good.

How easy could it be, what could possibly go wrong? I had the perfect plan; I was really clever and so darn confident in my own ability to pull this off. After all, Ruth was in the car driving back to Ballarat from her stay over in Adelaide, but she was still hours away, so me, over to the shops and back undetected. Golly, genius plan John, well done.

Now, as you read this I know you will all be thinking, oops, he messed up, JonnyG, I reckon he got lost. BUT ... I didn't get lost, I left and I returned, simples. At no point did I get lost, delayed a little, ok, delayed a lot and, bugger, not lost but I messed up.

The walk over went well, I took pics from each corner as I walked, meaning on the return trip I just followed the pics taken, sort of like a breadcrumb trail. The pics like on the left as I crossed Norman Street and walked to the carpark at the shopping centre.

I got to the shops, followed the pre-planned route into Stocklands, went to Woolies, got what I needed, went through the checkout, packed my stuff in the bag and headed back, you know, the breadcrumb trail thingy.

This was going so well, I knew I could do it. BUT .... on the way back by chance I discovered I didn't have my wallet in my jacket pocket.  What the darn. Clearly, I must have had it to be able to pay for my purchase, so ok John, think. Well, the best plan was backtrack, maybe I left it at the Woolies checkout, maybe I dropped it as I walked back from the shops? 

Now the plan was getting more complex, a lost wallet, this was not in my very well constructed plan when I left Wendouree Lodge, but backtrack I did, I found Woolies, asked at the checkout about my lost wallet, but nah, nothing, damn. 

The checkout manager suggested I try the Centre Management Office, which is close, but now I am doing everything but what I planned for. I found the office, asked, really helpful lady on duty, think she sensed I was off my game by now, she was so kind, she got her centre security team to check but every request came up blank. A security team member in the office asked me about the way I had walked, they checked camera footage, they found me on the security camera feed but did not see me drop the wallet.

Thank-you I mumbled as I left, now in a shambles. I have messed-up big time. Feeling crap, I found the way out of the shops, got my bearings and was starting to mope back to the unit. 

First, I took out my phone, checked it, mmmmmm, a message from Ruth, 'Call me please ASAP' it read. And I had a missed call, from Ruth. So, I braved the moment, thinking maybe she had had an accident, so I called Ruth to hear her say, 'John, I am three hours away, where are you'. Bugger, what do I say, so many thoughts flashed through my mind, not sure why but, well I owned up, I fessed up and simply said I was at the shops, Ruth replied, 'Yes. I know'.

Ok, not possible, I was gone an hour by now, she was driving back from Adelaide and still the other side of Horsham, yet she knew, she actually knew. How? I mean, woman power, eyes in the back of their head, woman's intuition, or all of that, but seriously how? 

It was a tough conversation, Ruth was rattled as to why I broke rank and went walking, I knew I messed-up, she knew, I knew but how did I get caught, I was not game to ask. Ruth said, 'you lost your wallet didn't you' oh crap, double crap, this was going from bad to worse. 

Anyhow, as it happens, when I was headed back to the unit after the shops, I dropped the wallet as I crossed over onto Gillies Street, some person found it, Ruth had planted an ID card in the wallet with her contact details, the person who found my wallet clearly checked and called Ruth and the rest is history. 

Ruth organised with the lady who found the wallet to call around and collect it on her way back later in the day, she did, wallet returned, everything intact, nothing missing and I have my wallet back.

Is that a good ending? Am I off the hook? Did I feel dumb? Was I a clux? Do I deserve to be mercilessly mocked? Yes, is the right answer to all those questions. The best laid plan just turned out not to be the best laid plan. Who would have thought. Ok, Ruth thinks my plan was naughty, well that's the word I will use here. She does not think my plan was ever going to be any good, it had potential disaster written all over it.

Gee, another mess, and now I deal with the fall out, the mocking, the emotional rollercoaster is off and running. I think I need my antidepressants, but sadly I can't find them, looks like someone might have found them too, yeah, I hope they are happy.

So, I got that wrong. All because I lost my wallet, and that was the only flaw in my well thought through plan. I did not factor that bit in. But I faced the music when Ruth returned, copped my whack and now have to just accept the consequences. They are sad in context with my LBD but such is this journey. I have to stay with the plan, stick to the strategies, make things work by not letting my mind think it can do things it no longer can. And that is awkward.

For me, I hate, truly hate being in this cognitive void. It is awkward enough knowing where I am at with my thinking and lack of processing ability so to then to have to deal with days like yesterday, sadly no fun. But I have God as a support, He is my go-to at these really sad and difficult times. Without God, what is the alternative, Atheism, and we know Atheism is a non-profit organization. 

Understanding that cognitively I am rather doomed is not a fun thought. Although I haven't lost my logical cognitive thinking, because today when thinking life through, this is what I figured out. A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark, so in a triathlon it would come down to who is quickest on the bicycle leg.

So, while yesterday was a darn mess, I still have to try and have some form of life. I still need to try and participate and not just roll over. Being here at the unit is manageable, I get by, knowing I still have to mock and laugh when all looks lost. That is not easy at times, like the mess from yesterday. But in fairness to me I hadn't slept for three days, because I know that would be too long. With that said, sleep is one of my favourite things, it really is, seriously, it is the reason I get up in the mornings.

Surviving at the unit takes much effort, but I have a plan, this time a very well thought through plan. Come October long weekend I will be back living off grid at Lake Burrumbeet, well, that's the er, thought at the moment, you know, the plan. Before that even a trip to WA maybe. But that is perhaps just wishful thinking, not sure, Ruth will probably have other ideas about that. I have no doubt there will be some serious doubts about my cognitive travel abilities. And the pee bag issue, flying, altitude, will it burst, lots of planning needed.

Oh, speaking again of Ruth, on a fun note and on a personal take, with her away I actually got to be in charge of the remote at the unit, yep, I won the remote game, but I quickly realised it was difficult, the remote I mean, not Ruth, so I had a plan, I went on the Temu app, and I ordered a universal remote because I figured that would change everything.

But I guess I shouldn't mock, should I? Nah, ok, of course I should. I mean, I am mean with my mocking style, I even would mock my own poor mum. She knew I mocked and she was ok with that; we had so many laughs.

Joan Green was the master of sayings; she had so many and I often chuckle when a Joan gem crosses my mind. Mum is very much missed, great lady in so many ways.

Anyhow, mum would say things like, 'take life with a grain of salt', look, loved my mum dearly as said but see what I mean, I had no idea what she even meant? Who would know? 

But, if pressured I do think about that Joan saying and I adjusted it slightly to try and see if it had any relevance, so now I say, 'take life with a grain of salt', a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila, and then repeat, and repeat again over and over. That is a good plan John, a fun and really good life hack plan.

Ok, there it is, finally, another post written and ready to be added to my blog. Thanks as always for reading, for the messages of support and for the comments here, to each and every one of you I certainly appreciate you taking the time to follow my journey. Times are awkward but I am not done yet so hoping to be able to add many more posts before this all ends. Well, that's my plan, but, as this post highlights, plans are made to be messed with.

Writing the blog is the best therapy, it is seriously a massive boost to me personally, and yeah, as a bonus it gives me a written record of how this LBD journey plays out. I can read back over the time and see how things unfolded and maybe when I have gone it will be a good family keepsake remembering my life and times. If not, it has still been so much fun getting each post written. The blog has had 59,900 views, massive I think, so thanks.

Now, to further mock, well at least to try for a little laugh, because life can still be fun and enjoyable, I will leave you with the obligatory JonnyG Remembers funny ... What do you call a paper aeroplane that won't fly? Stationary.

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UMPIRE VERNON - THAT NON-MARK SAGA IN PICS

Am I traumatised 29 years later, yes I am, should that courageous Leigh Colbert pack mark have been paid? oh yes it should ... Footy Park in Adelaide September 1997, am I over it, of course I am, do I forgive the man? yes I do but do I think he should have gone to Specsavers, of course he should have ... were the Cats robbed of the 1997 AFL premiership, yes we were, should the AFL Premiership Cup from 1997 read Cats not Cows? Most definitely yes ... but now 29 years on it allows room for me to mock, mercilessly mock, AFL umpire #2, Grant George Vernon

As a sad footnote, in September 2014 the last ever league game played at Footy Park in Adelaide was the 2014 SANFL Grand Final where the Mighty Roosters played Norwood, the boys and I were there ... and a pre-game 10-minute video put together by the ABC showing the highlights over the 40 year history of this historic SA ground, and, as a part of the video they asked, what was the worst umpire decision ever paid at Footy Park, yeah, you guessed it, the Umpire Vernon blunder was voted as number one error, bastard ... oh, the result from 2014, nah, I forget, I've got dementia ...