KNOCK KNOCK - WHO'S THERE?

Post 64 - August 1st, 2026

With a memory like the one I was fortunate to have across my life, living with this cognitive void of Lewy Body Dementia is to say the least, rather disappointing. Yeah, it is a struggle, an epic struggle to have so many blank moments in everyday life, moments of just plain blank, nothing blank, it creates an emptiness that just sits there. 

I accept that forgetting something is mostly ok especially in older age, it sort of goes with the territory but having no idea what you forgot and why you forgot it is something totally different. Because if my thinking allows me to understand I have forgotten something, why does it not allow me to remember what it is I have forgotten? 

And the blanks are bad, total moments of nothing, trying to form a thought in my head is not something I can always manage. From the inside it is like staring at a blank wall, not literally but that is the concept, I see and understand nothing, I just cannot form a thought that has any meaning at all. I sit and have nothing, I know I am searching in my mind, but I come up blank, just nothing. And that is both awkward and scary, really scary. Oh, and very frustrating.

It is no wonder people with dementia get frustrated, like angry frustrated. Sure, I understand there are differing forms of dementia and different levels of cognitive decline within each form of dementia but the frustration this blank void creates is at time overwhelming. 

For me personally, I am at the point where frustration is something I experience across many of the thought moments I have. How sad and how crap that is, really crap to be honest but it is the new me, and I am frustrated with that. Lay down and cry type frustrated, it is depressing and really testing in every way possible.

The smarts in my clever brain has all but gone, well, that's a touch wrong, at times I can still get my cognitive thinking to work well. This requires so much concentration and focus, but I get there ok, the end result is satisfying. Conversations and social interreacting are possible; I can do good. But when I go off track. oh boy then I have no ability to correct the waywardness my mind dishes up. Hence the frustration and dare I say, anger.

I don't mean this in any way other than how it is. God gave me an incredibly smart and clever mind, He really did. As I have written before that was not necessarily a good thing, with the clever mind came pitfalls, came awkward personality traits and yeah over the years, I definitely got lots wrong. But a sharp, clever super intelligent mind is the one I had. Now, I guess I still have it, but, so much is missing, so much of the cognitive smarts have gone out the window. I am struggling, not just in this LBD void but knowing I have lost it and that hurts.

These blank moments can be contained; strategies and plans can be implemented to save the blank moments from causing any harm. And socially, they can also be controlled, it is simply a matter of being a social recluse, Safe, this is really safe and works without fault. 

Last Friday Ruth and I had a day in Geelong, our good mate Hermit Bill from Ararat had a specialist appointment at the Geelong Hospital and he is not able to drive following an angle grinder mishap that damaged his foot. So, we were his transport for the trip, and it gave us a day trip to Geelong. 

And while in Geelong we spent time at Kardinia Park and the Cats Shop, it was great to be at this footy ground and do some things around the Mighty Cats, I was so pleased emotionally.

Socially, I managed, in the Cats Shop I was fine, found what I was looking for including a new Cats flag for my camp at Lake Burrumbeet, I had a chat with the staff, by chance we bumped into Chris Scott, and all went well. Socially I managed fine. I did need some Ruth help with making sure I stayed focused and on a logistical front but looking back I am really pleased with all I was able to do. So yes, I can still manage a social day and come through feeling rather positive. Drained but in an ok space.

Earlier last week we had a day op shopping, yeah, anyone who knows me will tell you I do NOT do the op shop rounds, it has just never been my thing. Love the op shop concept but it has never been for me. 

However, at the moment I am looking for certain items to help with my off grid living and as it happens, op shops are a great place to source items on my list. Even did the local Ballarat Council secondhand shop and scored some bargains including a collection of plastic garden pots and a solid cast iron hot plate for my campfire at the lake. And I came home delighted with the day, scored some bargains and social I managed reasonably well. Again, Ruth was my logistics guide and allowing for a couple of misplaced incidents I know I did ok.

So, going now, but I leave you with a JonnyG funny, well a JonnyG knock knock ... 

Knock Knock
Who's there
Spell
Spell who
WHO

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LIFE AS IT UNFOLDS LIVING WITH LBD

Mmmmmmmm, please explain ... well, once we dropped Hermit Bill at the Geelong Hospit ok, al for his specialist visit last Friday, Ruth and I headed to Maccas for breakfast, yeah, I know, but we did, and it was a fun visit ... Ruth went to the counter to order, she asked for a Whopper, the poor gild taking the order asked, 'What' and Ruth repeated her order, 'a whopper please' now, ok I am the cognitively challenge one here but I simply said, 'She means a Big Mac' and that was all it took, girl no longer confused, order accepted ... Poor Ruth, bloody oldies, what were you thinking, Whopper, equals Hungry Jacks, Big Mac equals McDonalds, simples ...

The Cats flag that will fly at Lake Burrumbeet when I return to my camp to live off grid in early October ... the old flag copped a hammering in a previous stay, it ended up shredded, but this beauty flying on the front lawn at Wendouree Lodge in Ballarat is the perfect replacement, it came from the Cats Shop in Geelong ...