I DID IT MY WAY
Post 60 - Wednesday February 4th, 2026
If I had to sum up my life in just one statement, then I reckon it would be fair for me to simply say I did it my way. Was my way the right way, well, sometimes I got things right and sometimes I failed dismally, that is a given. But whatever way my time here on earth has gone I know that life has been a privilege. And yeah, I had a crack, had a go in the true Aussie tradition of giving it my best shot.
Ok, that doesn't mean I always did life the right way, but it does mean for 71 and a bit year doing life my way has been a personal superpower. Regrets, yeah, I have regrets, some massive regrets in fact because pissing people off has been something I have made into an art form at times. But this is neither the place nor the forum to be dissecting the good and the not so good in the life of John Andrew Green.
Now, here I am in my twilight years still doing what I believe is best for me. Doing it my way.
So, on that thought, is living out here off grid at Lake Burrumbeet near Ballarat best for where I am at with age and given my crap health? Am I just adding to the awkward health issues by putting myself in danger? Am I looking at this right? Should I be reconsidering my life choice at this time and not be living on my own in this isolated spot?
I guess I could genuinely argue either way, but maybe what I am really doing here is simply doing it my way?
I reckon I have balanced the off grid living pretty well, taking myself out of circulation to live this idyllic nature driven outdoors existence that comes with such great peace and dare I say, serenity. And in my current state of mind that sounds about perfect. Look, it gets tough at times being out here, awkward tough, the heat of the past few days was horrendous, really tough, the wind, the constant strong wind is a drain on my energy and my ability to focus, and then two cold nights making me shiver as I negotiate the extreme weather changes. But I am in Victoria, I am told this is normal. Yeah, maybe normal but it is tough.
Sometimes I am instinct driven, sometimes those instincts get so confused and life inside my head is a jumble. By association that means life on the outside is a mirror image, it becomes very hit and miss with how I tackle any given task or tasks.
At times I get so confused by my own inability to do things, to do things that actually make any sense. Sometimes I must look like a nutter, a silly dill, a person who is eccentric or, yeah, a nutter.
And then there are the LBD associated downers like falling, shaking, talking to myself, seeing objects, not seeing objects and getting disorientated to the point I just cannot fathom where the dickens I am. Sometimes I find myself in a trance like state, I just stand and stare, stare without acknowledging what is going on around me. And that is happening more often.
Perfect example, last Friday I was shopping with Ruth in Woolies at Stocklands Shopping Centre in Wendouree, I went off to get some tomatoes. Ruth is suffering and limping with sciatic pain so I thought I would give her time to rest up, but off on my own I got disorientated and was totally blank.
Eventually a worker asked if I was ok and well, dare I say the conversation was shit, embarrassingly so as I had to admit I had no idea where I was or what I was doing. Once I spotted Ruth waving to me from across the aisle I clicked back into understanding where and why but for a time it was rather hairy and dead set embarrassing once I worked it all out. I must have looked very lost for the worker to approach me?
That type of incident is not happening often, but it is happening more often, I feel myself losing my grip on life one awkward step at a time. In this situation, once I recover, I try to reason with myself as to what happened and I think, seriously think, at this point with the LBD I can use these incidents to plan future excursions as in this case to the shops. I can use this as a strategy to help next time. And sometimes that actually works, sometimes not.
This tells me that just when I think I am doing ok, I let my guard down, meaning the strategies I have in place to offset my cognitive decline slacken and within a short time I am lost in my cognitive thoughts and hence my physical actions. That is generally a reality check and while I still function ok the battle inwardly rages. It is not a battle I am winning, and it is a battle that consumes so much energy.
So, off grid living again and this time on my own. When Ruth and I left Green Hill Lake at Ararat after 10+ months off grid and went into a unit at Ballarat, that was ok in principle. Ruth needed to be back indoors, she loved Green Hill Lake, but home comforts called and the unit was her best option.
But I always struggled, I never settled, I was literally climbing the walls. Sure, we still had a few road trips to keep life ticking along, we worked in the yard, went out to eat, went to the greyhounds, had a couple of days at the racetrack, all our normal life things but the unit never ever gave me a real peace of mind. I felt trapped. I felt isolated mentally meaning I was cactus with my cognitive troubles and on any sort of emotional level, I hated the place. It was not a happy unit, not for me.
And the unit itself was perfect, but not perfect for me at this time. It provided the stability I had lost since leaving my home in Woodcroft in June 2022, the unit had so much upside but emotionally, nah, it was not a good fit. Ballarat is not a place I would choose to live but with the health circumstances dictating this to be home for now then being here was not the problem. Ballarat is a great place, plenty to see and do, logistically it is perfect, weather a bit touchy but all in all it is a decent city. And the unit in Wendouree was perfect in location, sadly not perfect for me just now.
So, after 9 months of that personal battle I decided to move out to Lake Burrumbeet and go back to living off grid. Sure, the unit offered so much in normality, showers, heating, cooling, TV, music, a kitchen, that great yard and garden but my mind never adapted and I craved the serenity of being in the bush, in nature.
Given that I am in such a cognitive mess I guess this is the best place for me. Will this be forever, no, definitely not but for this season of life I am set and loving being here on the shores of Lake Burrumbeet. It comes with the dangers, but it also comes with my mind being at ease, I am much happier here than at the unit.
My stoma and pee bag need daily cleaning, I have a good routine with that and I generally go ok. I do have a stoma issue, a stoma hernia that will need correcting but that is not a result of being out here, and while it comes with pain it does not limit my ability to get around.
Some routines can be hit and miss but somehow physiologically I seem to be good with the wee bag hygiene. Maybe because the overnight bag needs to be emptied in the mornings and that seems to jog my memory to clean the bag and stoma. And I have mastered the art of changing my bag, mostly I remember but at times it will leak and that prompts the change. It took some working out to get the fitting right, especially around the stoma but I am doing ok and get it right most times.
Fun is always possible, even here off grid living alone with day after day of no contact with anyone other than my animals. Sometimes I feel like Forrest Gump, well, not actually Forrest Gump but that bloke when he was stranded on a desert island, you know, in the movie, Castaway. He made imaginary friends and spent hours in their company. I do that, because all my regular nature camp visitors have names, they visit and, well, they are good listeners, mind you they say much and as long as I feed them, they are very loyal mates.
The wildlife here is super amazing, always something going on. And they all have their likes and dislikes with food, what they eat and won't eat, where they like me to leave their food, they have a pecking order, a hierarchy of sorts and they guide me on our daily interactions. They come and go at will, but all seem happy to be a part of this great life at Camp Beat on the shores of Lake Burrumbeet near Ballarat. I think the animals keep me sane.
Ok, this post is done, thanks for reading. My sole focus on penning this blog is therapy, therapy for me, it is an outlet for me to record this LBD journey and to write about how I navigated the path as things went slowly downhill. I do look back and read and feel blessed to know I had the opportunity to get this blog active and record my various thoughts and understandings over time.
And it helps provide an outlet for my love of writing. Sadly, my writing motivation has mostly deserted me in recent months and while I still enjoy writing it gets harder to find the energy to focus. Most times, once I get going, I am ok but my ability to concentrate for any length of times is sadly very tested. I give up easily as it is easier that way. But despite the challengers I have loved putting my blog together, and for the record, over 51,000 views, again, thanks so much to everyone who reads and supports my JonnyG Remembers blog.
Now, the obligatory JonnyG funny to sign off ... with politics being a strong talking point I must remind you all about political jokes, be very careful because sometimes they get elected ...
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Daily life living off grid at Camp Beet and in Ballarat
Cooking here at Camp Beet is fun, well, not hilarious type fun but interesting fun ...
The camp views are amazing, imagine having this as your back yard
And Lake Burrumbeet shoreline is very close
Naturally the possums are great mates
And the bird life is simply the best
Kookaburras and white cockatoos
I have rabbits but have not seen a kangaroo
