MY WAYWARD WENDOUREE WANDER   

Post 54 - Friday April 25th, 2025

Right through this Lewy Body Dementia journey I have always been confident in my own ability to navigate the road ahead. Sure, there has been numerous issues and many many personal faux pas but in general I have always been on the front foot and worked around or through any obvious setbacks. With Ruth's help, I get by, yeah, it's been challenging, tough, funny even, certainly demanding and awkward but I have always felt I had a pretty good handle on the issues.

For me, personally, yesterday that changed. I got lost on a simple walk to the shops from Wendouree Lodge here in Ballarat.

Ruth has been in Adelaide for four days visiting her mum and family and having school holiday grandkid time. So, with the boss away I have been under house arrest, well, you know I have rules and strategies in place to help me through this time. In fairness, any rules and strategies have been for my personal benefit, all designed to help me stay safe.

So, yesterday after lunch when I decided to go to the shops for a walk, I guess I thought it was a good idea. History will now show it was not a good idea, in fact, anything but. Oddly, I did not need to go to the shops, Ruth and I had prepared really well for her absence and our detailed plans meant I needed nothing so to simply be a homebody this week was the safe option and understanding.

What the dickens possessed me to venture out I am not really sure. I do remember thinking that I was having an ok day and for my own sanity I reckoned a walk would be manageable. Being in this awkward health void, being stuck and troubled cognitively and physically is hard to grasp at times so maybe I just wanted an out. As said, not sure but on reflection I guess I wanted to feel some life purpose, be my own man.

And in the beginning the walk went good, with my wallet and unit keys in hand I got to the Stockland Shopping Centre here in Wendouree without an issue, in was a 15-minute stroll. I enjoyed the walk, the time alone out and about, the fresh air and the local neighborhood sites. Once at the shops I walked around for a bit, spoke to no one, never went in any shops and simply had some safe John time, that all went to plan if I actually had one.

But now that quickly fell apart. Sadly, I must have walked out a different entrance to the one I entered through and boom, yeah, I got lost.

In my mind I was walking the right way back to the unit but in essence I was heading away in the wrong direction. It took time for me to figure out in my mind that I was in no man's land. And then it dawned on me that I was in trouble. Now, this next bit is a downer, I had headed off on my adventure without my phone and my trusty 'old persons' watch which doubles as a tracker and distress beacon. Oh my, what a balls-up.

To head out as I did had so much wrong about it but now as I took stock of my predicament I could not grasp why I did not make sure I at least had my phone. The strategies I put in place should have ensured I had the bloody thing, but alas, that was not to be. Look, I hate Google but right there to check-in to Google Maps would have been my savior.

But no phone. Wow, because as well as a map back up I could have simply called Ruth or someone for help, for guidance and direction. But here I was totally lost and rather stressed. The cognitive confusion was acutely horrible. My mind was mush, and I could not make any sense of what I had done or where I was. Gee, JonnyG you have pulled a clanger here. My worst nightmare with this LBD was playing out on this Thursday afternoon somewhere on an unfamiliar street a long way from the unit.

Now, luck or divine intervention was the beginning of getting this mess sorted. An older lady asked me if I was ok, not really sure why she did but she said she noticed I had been walking back and forth looking around and she figured I was not sure where I was.

She asked me who I was and where I was headed but I just had tears and could not really give her any answer. She asked if she could call someone for me but without my phone, I had no idea of phone numbers that could be given to help. Surprisingly, at that minute I wasn't necessarily scared, just really confused and I am guessing somewhat distressed and disorientated.

This lady then asked, "Do you have dementia". Crap, that stung, I was in trouble cognitively, I was lost and I am sure I looked confused and a sad sight, but for all of that I am still a proud old man, so this was really messy, really embarrassing and utterly confusing. 

The lady turned a bit sour and said it was wrong that I was out on my own and if I am troubled, I should be someplace secure. Now, right or wrong that actually helped, I was sort of annoyed at her words, meaning I did take stock of where I was, and I recognised a street named Forrest so somehow my smarts kicked-in and I was able to fathom my location. I walked away from the lady and she mumbled something that I did not care to hear or care to repeat.

Yeah, I had walked a distance in the wrong direction and had become hopelessly lost but by heading back towards the direction of the shops I got a good handle on where I was. Ruth and I had travelled this direction a few times, so some landmarks were now looking familiar.

To cut this part short, I found the park on Gilles Street and that meant Marigold Street was near, from there I simply walked back to the unit without further issue. Oh my, I was gone almost three hours. And physically I was wrecked, that was hard yakka' and a tough stroll. 

Back at the unit I simply locked myself inside and had a good bawl, as always that did relieve my anxiety to a point and after a time, I was able to get my crap together and figure out what I had just done. Mmmmmmm, silly boy.

That was awkward, very awkward and on reflection I had messed up in many areas. The strategies I had prided myself on having as cognitive structure all meant nil, I somehow had made a wrong decision to head out to the shops and then by at least not ticking off the 'strategies check list' I was not prepared for what followed.

BS from my position, hey, I know things ended safely but gee, seriously, how darn bad was that? 

What was I thinking? Yeah Ruth, I wasn't thinking. I need to be better than this, much much better than this or time will be awkward. What could have ended in a total mess and with crap consequences ended ok. I am safe, I got my way back to the unit and now get the chance to do better going forward. But I simply cannot allow myself to be in vulnerable positions such as this.

And with this LBD walk then I am sure what happened yesterday is par for the course. It sort of had to happen even though it shook the crap out of me as it all unfolded. I know this journey does not end well but for now, as said, I had been coping in an ok way. I had been able to minimise the bad times, have a laugh, accept the cognitive and physical challenges that are ahead and generally live a half decent life.

The biggest take from my misadventure in Wendouree is to learn. Take it as a hiccup and get better, better in how I plan and better in how I implement that said plan. I can manage this still; I can bounce back and move forward with some positive outlooks. Sure, I will need to use yesterday as a learning tool, and I reckon I can confidently do that.

God was on my side yesterday; I am so thankful for His presence. On a down note, I did not pray or reach out to God as the time lost unfolded, guess I was rather cognitively challenged but I do see how His hand was all over this mess. I know I am truly blessed.

Ok, that's it for this post, as always, I thank you all for reading my JonnyG Remembers blog, heading towards 40,000 hits so I appreciate everyone who checks in. Again, I qualify my thoughts by saying what is penned here is in no way a cry for help, a cry for anything, it is simply written as therapy and for me to have this written record of my LBD journey. I love to write so getting my thoughts out is a massive personal help.

And as this is Anzac Day

Lest We Forget