FUNERALS REUNIONS AND RACING

Post number 4 - January 15th 2023

Barmera and Penola road trips

Family reunions, we have all been there, you know, shake the family tree and a few nuts are sure to fall out.

But, for as much as that is true, thankfully in most families one generation plants the tree and the next generation gets the shade. That's what makes family so special.

Ah, however, if yours is the dysfunctional family then a family reunion is likely the best form of birth control.

The Danvers family and extended McBride families gathered in Barmera on Wednesday for the funeral service of Aunty Irene Sander, she had sadly passed away the previous Thursday while holidaying in Mount Gambier with family.

And while the funeral gathering is a sad time, it also means that the family comes together and we sort of have this family reunion. It is always respectful and honourable and gives an opportunity for all of us to be in the same place.

Stories are told, connections are re-established and we enjoy each others company. Generally it all goes well. I mean, we know you don't get to pick your family but in our case the chain is unbreakable.

Hey, for us, family is good.

One member of the Danvers/McBride clan who made the trip to Barmera for the funeral was Frank Wauchope from Cummins over on Eyre Peninsular. Frank introduced himself to me with a beer in hand at the wake for Aunty Irene in the Barmera Footy Club saying, “It would not be a Henry Danvers family get together without a grog.”

Spot on Frank, Henry would love that we gathered and enjoyed a few beers as a family even on this day of sadness. We are after all the sum of our ancestors' traditions.

For me personally, it was at times an awkward day. Look, it was definitely a memorable day, great funeral service for Aunty Irene and catching up with so many family members and friends but with my declining cognitive function health issue it was tiring and challenging.

But it went better for me than I imagined, I joined in to the best of my ability, had many great chats, great laughs, reminisced over past adventures and told Aunty Irene stories that were funny yet respectful.

Yep, it was a good day.

This cognitive issue that is bugging me has messed up life in some areas. As I have written in previous posts I am going ok but really the cognitive decline has impacted.

I can for the most part function fine, its business as usual. The awkward moments are just that, mere moments but the tell-tale signs indicate that I am in decline.

Avoiding places that carry large volumes of people has become the norm. For me, it is safer that way. Because at the moment crowds are a bit of a bother. Large gatherings are loud, confronting and rather awkward to navigate.

I'm not necessarily getting lost but have moments where I can be rather disorientated. My spatial awareness is slipping. At such times I need to focus, take a deep breath and work through where I am.

And this right-side shake that I've developed is getting annoying, it is limiting and to be blunt, embarrassing. Not just for me but I feel for those who have to watch me when I lose control of movement and the shakes take over.

So, avoidance is a thing right now.

But this week has been rather hectic. As said, Wednesday was a day trip to Barmera to say farewell to our dear Aunty Irene. And then Thursday another road trip. This time to Penola to watch our horse Fixated run on race day.

I was aware that I would be stretching my health capabilities to the limit. Barmera was fine, trying the Penola race day venture was maybe a touch ambitious.

But having the time to plan the trips and put strategies in place helped make things manageable. If things did go south then I can get back on track and carry on as best as is possible.

One of my lifelong pleasures has been my love of sport. As the years rolled on my sport involvement meant me mostly being a spectator. Going to sporting events came with large crowds, lots of noise and generally some hustle and bustle but that was a part of the fun.

In recent months however I had shied away from crowded places so my race day experiences were on hold, at least for now. Being track side with crowds was scary. That shakes thing with my right side was not easy to accept.

So, as said, I had stopped going, it was easier that way.

But when Fixated was headed to Penola on a Thursday for a race day it was impossible not to consider the trip down to the South East. Our Victorian based horse has never run on an SA track and the opportunity to be there to fly the miRunners ownership flag was inviting.

And I figured the crowd would be small, I could test the waters and see how things might play out.

Hey, that did not really happen because there was a massive crowd on track, massive. So many people, gee I got that wrong. It turns out the day was a major race day for local wineries and sponsors so people from the district headed track side for a corporate day meaning the crowd was enormous.

It was daunting when it became apparent what was happening but I was here now so I would need to adjust my plan.

And the original Penola thought that the day would be manageable had another undertone, I had figured that our race horse ownership group was mainly Victorian based and with this being a mid-week meeting in country South Australia then I would not have to front my fears being around other people I knew.

Look, the other people in the group are really fine, great folk, friends and it was always good to meet up. Over time it had been much fun, we have had some super days on racetracks with this group.

But over the past few months I was struggling with having to be on top of my game around others in this setting, so it was probably beyond me for now. Not forever I hope, but for now.

So, for all of that the two days of road trips and activity was something to attempt and yeah, testing the water was important for my mental capacity. Lots of time in the car, roadside stops and then fronting people was a challenge but I had to give it a go.

And yeah, even though we had lots of time on the road the car travel for me is fine. I am no longer allowed to drive so I get to ride shotgun. Ruth just has to keep the car on the road and pointed in the right direction. And speaking of directions, if I think she needs some then I am very well placed to provide.

But with the time away done and dusted I am feeling ok about how it all went. It did go well as said. Difficult at times but uplifting.

The positives from all of the difficulties of this past few days is that I have learned some new and different coping strategies, I will be able to deal with some things better next time because of how this played out. And that is a win, a huge win.

In Barmera I was able to mix well with family, I really enjoyed the company and loved to tell and hear the stories of what makes this family tick.

At Penola races I got to do my thing my way, enjoy my horse, yep Fixated won to make the day even more pleasurable but importantly I managed the interaction with a few people without much fuss. I stayed clear of the really crowded spots, I was fortunate to find some happy ground where I could chill and relax.

And with things going so well then the peripheral issues did not manifest as they do at times so my day was my own.

The race day was fun, Look I was glad it came to end, I was tired and running on empty but with my cognitive function troubles I reckon it too went well.

On reflection. A great few days. I feel ok about the outcome, and it will make the path ahead a touch easier when working out if and when to attempt the next challenge.

Go Cats ...

And just to add a touch of humour to a long post, today I leave you with this understanding.

From the Catholic rule book: A 'Father in Law' is not a Priest who becomes a lawyer.