MOTHERS DAY
Post 21 - May 12th 2023
Mums are simply the best
This post is again one I selected from my Saturday Satire written way back in 2019 and as this Sunday is Mum's Day I figured I would roll it out and add it to my blog.
Mums are Superheroes and we always think of them and remember them in a special way. My Mum had dementia late in her life and it was an awkward journey watching as she slowly changed in personality but as a family, we were lucky to still have had many parts of our old Mum at the time of her death in 2012. Sadly, for many families that is not the case.
So, as I head down my own Lewy Body Dementia pathway, at least for now I still hold very dear the memories I have of my Mum.
Yep, Mother's Day is a time we honor all Mums and all Grandparents. With that in mind, I wrote this satire for all the Mums out there and it is published here as written back in 2019.
Thanks for checking in, enjoy the read, I trust it resonates and for all of us we can honor our Mum's every day but especially on this special day ...
Go Cats ... (exclude the Richmond game, bummer!)
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Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums. Enjoy your special day on Sunday. Mums are very special people.
My Mum, as all Mums do, taught me so much. I know I did not always appreciate my Mum but as I look back on the 57-years I had with her I now realise how wise and influential she was in shaping me.
“When I was your age” she would regularly say as she made a point and often followed that with, “Wait until you get to be my age.”
How did she know about the age thing? Ok, I jest, I get it now, just as she knew I would. Thank-you Mum.
Guessing that all Mum’s can be difficult to navigate around at times, mostly because they are smart beyond smart. Intuition is something all mothers have, but by my thinking they have radar as well, including eyes in the back of their head.
And I like this Jewish Proverb: God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
I always wondered how things suddenly appear once a Mum starts searching for them. They are good.
Mums are generally the glue that holds a family together. Mum’s do that so well.
Once the family unit grows-up and begins to disperse it is the Mum who encourages, demands even that the kids stay in contact with her on a regular basis.
When we leave the nest, we try to stay in touch with Mum, sometimes out of obligation, but even if we do feel obligated, we actually love the connection with our Mum.
Mums are easy to love.
I can imagine the mother of Christopher Columbus scolding her boy, “I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You could have written”.
And Mums always, always watch out for us, they would always have our best interest at heart. Sometimes that would annoy us but invariably Mum was always right.
We can all hear Humpty Dumpty’s Mum say, “Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No, now look what you’ve done, wait till your fathers gets home.”
And the Mum of Thomas Edison, “Of course Tommy I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, but it’s past your bedtime so turn off that light and get to bed! NOW.”
Mums could get ugly with their nagging. Albert Einstein’s Mum, “But, Albert, it's your class photo day at school, can't you do something about your hair please, styling gel, mousse, a brush, something.”
And Mum’s had to constantly remind us to behave.
Michelangelo’s Mum, “Mike, love, can't you paint on walls like other children, do you have any idea how hard it is to get that paint off the ceiling?”
Generally Mums were detectives, they liked to make sure they had things right. Goldilock's Mum would have said to her girl, “I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family, do you know anything about this Goldie?
Our family tree from Mum’s side has a distinct Irish connection.
There is an Irish proverb that says: A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.
Amen to that. We all love our Mum in a very special way.
Mums love to please; they go beyond the call of duty to make us feel loved and special.
When I wore a younger man's clothes, I once asked my Mum could she please make me a sandwich!
She shocked me by saying, “Abrakadabra, you are now a sandwich!” Yep, more of a Dad joke I’m thinking but such was my Mum.
She had the ability to laugh at herself, sometimes of course she had no other choice. And we laughed with her. Hey, no, no, never at her, just with her!
A woman who speaks and no one is listening to her is called a Mum.
All Mums desire and will their kids to be independent, just so long as they do everything Mum says.
Mums always have a pet name for each child, that is until the Mum yells the child’s name in full.
John Andrew Green she would yell at me. We knew at this time she meant business, oops, what did we do wrong, how did we push the boundary to pee Mum off. When Mums are angry, we could not escape nor hide.
But they can also forget names, sometimes you can get called each of your siblings and some random names before Mum gets to the right one. Rod, Jan, Fluffy, Spot, John.
Mums teach irony. They tell the kids, “Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about”. And they teach us to pray, “You'd better pray that stain will come out of that jumper.”
And my Mum was ahead of her time, now when I look back, I think she believed I was a terrorist. Because how many times she said to me, “Your room looks like a bomb went off in there”.
Jonny Bin Laden
At times like this I think my Mum exaggerated. I could not have been that bad, different apparently but surely never bad.
My Mum told me my biggest failure was not being the Prime Minister. Wow, not sure if that’s a backhander or a compliment.
With that said, Mums are fiercely loyal and proud of their kids.
A Chinese Proverb says: There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
Sometimes Mums can say some strange things. I mean, I hear Mums say to their kids, “Do you want a smack.” Really! I have yet to hear any kid come back with. “Yes please Mum.”
And some strange Mum sayings that I have heard across the years.
‘Mind your P’s and Q’s’, what did that mean?
‘Watching too much TV will give you square eyes’. Seriously!
And we would of course be told many things by Mum. Eat with your mouth closed. Don’t go back in the water on a full stomach. Did you wash behind your ears, I never did get that one, I still don’t. Will admit to never washing behind my ears, does anyone?
And when quizzed it was no good to say ‘I don’t know’ as an answer to Mum. Back she would come with, “I don’t know is not an answer”.
Some more Mum one liners. Are you even listening to me … I don’t care who started it … I’m not a mind reader … I will count to three … just one more time, I mean it this time … what part of no don’t you understand … obviously you didn’t have your thinking cap on.
At times my Mum had explanations about things that went way over my head. I used to think, ‘Mum, I am only 5, I don’t know all the rules yet.”
But I sincerely thank my Mum for being so great to me through my awkward phase in life.
And I loved the times Mum would say, “This hurts me more that it hurts you”. Well Mum, der, simple, surely, don’t do it then, gee.
She would ask if I had homework on a school day, “Nope” I would say, “Sister Leonie had a flexi today and we had a relief teacher, she forgot to give us homework”.
And the don’ts from Mums.
Don’t talk with your mouth full. Don’t put that in your mouth, you never know where it’s been. Don’t play with your food, there are no vegetables in the soup. Don’t make me have to tell you one more time. Don’t make me have to pull this car over. Don’t forget to wash your hands. Don’t forget to brush your hair. Don’t keep pestering me, I will buy it this time but just remember this is your birthday present.
Yeah Mum, that always worked.
One that did work though was, “Just wait until your father gets home”. Oh boy, did that work.
And when I was in trouble, er, I mean if ever I was in trouble with Mum and I blamed someone else, the standard reply was, “If they went and stood in the middle of the road and got run over by a car, would you?” That sounds weird and sounds like something out of the Old Testament.
I imagine Mums must think they would like to be the perfect Mum, but that cannot be because they are simply too busy raising their kids.
After all, a Mother pops a kid out with a touch of labor pain, the birthing process is generally pretty quick and easy I reckon, but then Mums can't let the pain thing go and spend the rest of their life stressing about the kid, meaning pain and suffering over a kid becomes a life-long issue to a Mum.
And some kids just heaped pain on their poor Mum.
Mrs Spencer in the TV sitcom Some Mum’s Do ‘Ave ‘Em, she had her boy Frank, Frank Spencer, what a very troubled lad he was. You felt for his Mum.
Mrs Vernon from Perth Western Australia, she had Grant, Umpire Grant Vernon (shut-up Jan). He was a cheat, he single-handedly kept the Cats out of the 1997 AFL Grand Final by not paying that most obvious great park mark to Lee Colbert in a final at Footy Park here in Adelaide. Handed the flag to the Adelaide Cows.
I imagine his Mum yelling at him that night after the game, “Grantley Gordon Vernon, how did you not see that Lee Colbert mark today, and he is such a nice boy, are you blind, what is wrong with you Grantley, you go and say sorry to all the Cat supporters, you cost them a premiership. Go on Grantley, do it, now.”
Never did the bastard.
As kids we go through so many stages in life when our Mum plays a role.
4 years of age - My mummy can do anything. She knows everything.
8 years of age - My mum knows a lot.
12 years of age - My mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 years of age - Naturally, my mother doesn't know that, either.
16 years of age – My mother? She's annoying and hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 years of age - That old woman? Who is she? She's way out of date.
20 years of age – Just got to get away from my Mother, she treats me like a kid.
25 years of age - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 years of age - Before we decide, let's get mum's opinion.
45 years of age - Wonder what mum would have thought about it.
65 years of age - Wish I could talk it over with my Mum.
Being a mother is not an easy task. If it were so easy, men would do it.
And that’s all for this Mother’s Day offering.
I will finish with this gem.
If my Mum was here now and she asked me to do something, and if I were to say, “Why?” … we know the answer from Mum would be, “Because I said so.”
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Now, I will add this little bit of humor today as I post to my Mother's Day blog ...
I have a special friend, no, not as in challenged special, just special. She is a Mum and Grandmother and I know this will make her laugh ...
What did the Baby corn say to the Mother corn? … “Where's Popcorn?”
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