MAYBE I AM COOKED - TIME TO TAP OUT

Post 67 - Monday October 12th, 2026

Being off grid again here at Lake Burrumbeet near Ballarat has been my dream plan since I reluctantly headed back into the unit on June 8th. And that was after originally spending 192 days at this camp site. Now after just 15 days out here for this part of the journey I am worried that I will not be ok to stay and maybe it would be best if I returned to live at the Wendouree unit. Using the TV program Alone terminology, maybe I need to TAP out.

I cannot believe I am saying that but maybe it is being realistic. Here at camp, I am doing alright, I have reset the camp as planned and love the layout around the nature aspect of what is my dream life living out here. But medically I am really struggling, so badly struggling that on Sunday I went really close to tapping out and calling for help from Ruth.

Thankfully I didn't and now I will go on and try again to make this work. But the health is lousy and I am just not coping with the situation I am in. A really hard 8 hour move from the unit to here on September 28th with three loads of gear including two with a hire trailer flattened me. Physically it knocked the stuffing out of me, I worked so long and hard that day and I simply have not been able to recover. The residual health effects mean I am flat as a tack and not sure how to go on as I seem to be running on empty. And this is most awkward.

When I stand at my camp site just now and look around, I can see why I love being out here on the shores of Lake Burrumbeet, in nature and living a perfect existence. I often say it is a dream to be doing this and for many years this is how I wanted to spend my later days. 

The camp is exactly what I want, what I set out in my plan, it has everything I need and want and then more, so it is not this part of the stay that is the problem. Far from it, sadly it all relates to my crap health and I am almost beaten.

Physically so much is happening for my old, tired body, and I go back to the day I moved here; I simply way over did things physically and getting over the wreck that created is, it seems, beyond me. I haven't felt this bad overall for so long and I have had dickens of a health ride since my heart attack times back in November 2018. From there it has been downhill and my medical journey is well documented in previous posts here on my JohnnyG Remembers blog.

But I have managed some very awkward moments including the Lewy Body Dementia and associated issue. Cognitively the LBD has messed me and I struggle chronically to deal with that. Physically my medical slide has been massive, so much has gone on, so much has gone wrong and now living with the Pee Bag is as bad as it gets. But the associated issues around discomfort, pain and an inability to do much has had a darn destructive toll physically and of course mentally.

So, living here back of grid, is this the end of my dream? I hope not but my fear is it may be. Look, things could turn, I could well work through this but at this minute my gut feel is I am in trouble and maybe calling off this stay is for the best. I just cannot seem to recover, to add to my problems I had two nasty tumbles which didn't help at all. I am really sore and battered from them, particularly my stoma and associated hernia area that took the brunt of one fall. 

With the LBD, that is not going so good, I am very much struggling to keep things on track, and by having to work so hard in that area to keep my thinking on track, sadly I am not giving the attention needed to other areas. It is a compounding effect and by not concentrating enough with strategies on my own physical safety then I am prone to having these mishaps.

In the days here this time around it has been a real mixture with weather, some very heavy rain early days, 46mm over 48 hours and then some rather windy days. All of that tests the metal and makes this type of living hard, but I can cope with that, I can work through the weather, the elements and bounce back. So, my issue is not that, it is health full stop.

In fact if I were on the Alone TV show I reckon I would be medically extracted; I think the medical team would pull me from camp. And maybe that would be best, maybe if the decision was taken from me then leaving here could be dealt with mentally. I wouldn't feel like a looser, feel like I quit, maybe, not sure.

One of my major problems here this time around is not eating. Sometimes I simply forget to eat, and I just get past any hunger I may feel. Sometimes I have good intentions to cook, to eat but then cannot find the energy or desire to prepare a meal. And my mum Joan would be proud of this, sometimes I make food and then forget to eat it. 

My liquid intake is good, I am drinking lots of fluid, water, cordial and fruit juice I make myself so that is positive. But on an odd note, my coffee intake has dwindled even further, I am drinking minimal coffee and I guess that is ok but coffee and me have been mates for a long time. I love my International Roast flat white!!! Seriously, I miss my coffee.

What happens now? Ok, as said, if I am being honest then my poor health means I should quit and head in, but my strong desire to stay will hopefully win out and I will push through hoping I can turn things around and get to remain. 

It would be so disappointing to pull the pin, I would literally hate that, but maybe it could be best. See, even here I am indecisive, I am wrestling with myself trying to get my thoughts to align. I am not liking that idea, and it is not working out.

At 2am this morning after massive winds and getting soaked trying to baton down the hatches I probably wanted to just leave. Nah, not really, the elements are a test, and I thrive on the battle to stay ahead. But as the pic left shows I was in a mess at 2am.

It is too simple in life to generally say 'this too will pass' but with the weather here at Lake Burrumbeet and the way it tests me at times, I can and do say that. Because it always passes and I can repair the damage and move on. Despite looking like a drowned rat and rather messy in the early hours of a morning, by daylight I can turn it all around and still look messy but messy with a positive thought.

However I am digressing, and I master of digression it seems, because the point at hand here is to TAP out or stay at Camp Beet! Seriously, I am divided in thought, maybe another couple of days with this tough health problem will convince me to head in, I will simply have no choice if I continue to deteriorate. Or, maybe not, I have to hope I work though things, rest up, get more sleep at night, three hours a night like the last two nights is crippling, I need to minimize the falls for obvious reasons and the silly things I do cognitively, I must turn that around. I must apply my strategies and get my stay back on track. That is my wish.

But, yeah, to go or in or to stay on? Decisions, decisions. 

Anyhow, that will have to do for this Monday post. Thanks for all your messages and thoughts about my JohnnyG Remembers blog, I appreciate all of you and I am so pleased to have you follow my journey. Seriously, thanks so much, because the blog has had 65,500 views and I find that staggering, wow, that's a lot of hits, so good.

But for today, I am still at Camp Beet and happy to be here, and who knows what happens next? Ah, now for a JohnnyG funny, no blog should or will end without a laugh ...

Camping is where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person ...

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CAMP BEET - AH THE SERENITY

The Lake Burrumbeet camp site just keeps on giving, it is just the perfect spot to be living off-grid ... even at night the place glows, it looks peaceful and radiates light ... and down at the lake, the water level is way up after a big winter of rain but to be on the shore and take in the sight is another highlight of living out here ...

Health is the major issue for me being able to stay out here ... returning to the unit in Wendouree would hurt, so I need to give myself every chance to make it all work ... and taking my meds is so important but truthfully, I hate meds ... Ruth is the meds person, she has everything perfectly sorted for me, her home stocked Webster Packs mean I have all the meds in easy-to-use daily containers, I mean, what could go wrong ... and she messages me a few times a day at meds time to make sure I am having my pills ...

Stoma and pee bag care is so important especially here at camp, since I lost my bladder and a few other organs to cancer in November 2023 I now pee from a hole in my tummy, a stoma ... a piece of my bowel was fashioned and attached and it drains urine from my kidneys to the stoma, an attached pee bag is worn 24/7 and that is how it is, I do not have to pee at all although with the three fluid tablets I take each day I did fill the bag lots, I reckon I empty the bag around 25 times each day  ... then at night to sleep I attach a night bag and the draining means I no longer need to have toilet breaks during the night, mmmmm ... and the daily cleaning and maintenance of the night bag and tubes is so important to prevent infection or other associated issues ...

One of the great extras I have for this off-grid stay is my Boombox stereo Bluetooth speaker ... on You Tube I have created play lists each containing around 35 songs and I can play them at camp from either my phone of laptop, I play them through the Boombox and wow, great music anytime I choose ... I have a few different music genres including my Christian music and gospel music, love it ...

Gardening is a love for me, always has been and I learned well from my Mum Joan Green, she was a garden guru and somehow, I look to have inherited the perfect gardening gene ... so I have a few garden areas set up already and some more under construction, also lots of pots, so not only does it look the part having a garden, but it will also be a great camp site hobby ... I know I will love to be working and pottering in the camp garden ...

I have set my camp site to exactly the way it will work best for me, I divided the areas off and it is like a little homestead with my different structures ... my main tent is my sleeping and living quarters, I have the big dome tent for a pantry, a charging station, a spare bedroom and even for storage ... oh, and I have a freezer for this stay, last time I only had the fridge but I added the freezer knowing it will be a massive plus, they are both set-up in the dome tent ... and the lithium battery feeds the fridge and freezer as well as all my re-chargeable devices including all the camp lights and so far so good, the plan works and my set up runs smooth off solar and with the generator as back-up if needed, the battery and connection all work from the dome tent ... and I have a man cave tent, it is the shed, the blokes shed, and already I have surprised myself with the way it takes care of all the blokey things, mmmmmmm ...

An Australian flag flies above the camp, it looks so good and plays its part, really love to have the flag flying ... the flag is on the man cave structure ...

Having a generator to use is a game changer for daily power, another great investment ... it gets lots of use on the cloudy days and on the days with sun I always have it as a back-up for charging my Lithium battery if needed ... and it runs on unleaded 91 fuel so having a 20litre jerrycan full means I always have fuel ... oh, and I also have a whipper snipper, yeah seriously, a battery operated device, $94 from Bunnings, rechargeable batteries so it cost nothing to run, it does an amazing job, and I can handle it ok ... and this time I have my leaf blower at camp, already it has had plenty of use, well done John, brilliant decisions ...

I will grow some strawberries and rhubarb, I propagated cuttings at the unit and now have them at camp ... once they get into the ground and productive, yes please, strawberries and Rhubarb any time I desire ... and when I was here last stay I did plant some potatoes but they did do anything, however now they have blossomed and grow very well ... other veggies will be Ruth's domain, she has her veggie patch at the unit so I am hoping for an abundance of tomatoes and cucumbers in season ...

With my physical pain issues having heat packs for certain spots is a big plus, but here at camp with no microwave to heat them, hot water bottles are the substitute ... I have a few, and Ruth made me covers in Cats colours, blue and white hoops, and one with number 5, Jezza, so I am really blessed and for the record, being Cats colours the hot water bottles work better ... Go Cats