HE WHO CHEATS BEST WINS
Post 10 - February 22nd 2023
Time again for a laugh and a chuckle ... this post was originally written for the Saturday Satire on February 11th 2019 and I will add it here on the Lewy Body Dementia JohnnyG Remembers blog just as it was written back 4 years ago ...
The post has nothing directly to do with LBD but for me it touches on a part of my past that will sadly be lost to me as this cognitive issue eventually takes hold ...
The pics I have added are more recent and show this horse racing ownership journey and involvement that Ruth and I are on and one we will continue for as long as we possibly can ... enjoy the read and have a good laugh ... Go you good thing ...
Horse racing is the sport of Kings. And sadly, at times, the sport of cheats.
The racing industry is clouded in continued controversy, dogged by shady characters who bend the rules to gain an advantage for their horse.
A rule of racing could be, ‘if at first you don’t win fairly, then cheat’.
I love horse racing; it has been in my blood since I was but a wee child. As a kid I was introduced to the sport through my bookmaker dad and spent many Saturday afternoons at the Renmark and Berri racetracks and the Barmera Trots.
It was a fun time, a time of learning, a time when the racing lingo crept in to become a regular part of my vocabulary and it gave me an understanding for the excitement around being at a racetrack.
And I embraced all things racing back then and I still do to this day.
But I’ve also learned that the best way to get a small fortune from betting on horse racing is to have a large fortune. to start with.
Punting. It’s a mug’s game.
One time a horse I backed at Cheltenham finished so late in a race that I’m sure the jockey requested overtime!
And another day I was at the Morphettville races here in Adelaide and a coat-puller gave me this tip for a runner in race six. He told me it was a great horse. And it was. It took nine other horses to beat him.
But sadly, the racing game can be crooked, rotten to the core in parts. The recent Darren Weir controversy has rocked the industry, pushed racing into disrepute yet again and sadly in this case shines a light on horse cruelty.
This story surrounding Weir is huge.
But gee, looking at the horse racing history in my years alone throws up many infamous scandals.
Big Philou being nobbled before the 1969 Melbourne Cup, the Fine Cotton affair, as a fall out from that the Bill and Robbie Waterhouse bookmaking debacle, even the upper echelon of jockeys Jim Cassidy, Danny Nicolic and Damian Oliver outed for betting on races.
Leading trainers Anthony Cummings and Lee Freedman being warned off for a time, the cobalt saga that ended the career of famed trainer Peter Moody, and interrupted the career of Danny O'Brien, the Aquanita Racing training team rubbed out for systemic cheating and now this Darren Weir scandal.
And this is just a part of the list of racing bad boys, it only represents the list of those who have been caught.
Racing is an industry with big rewards on offer and as such it attracts the unsavory who bend the rules to cheat. That sadly is not a good look for racing but somehow cheating seems to be condoned by industry participants.
That is until you get caught. Although even then the racing industry can be quick to forgive its own.
But racing will survive this latest setback, the game will continue. Thankfully.
At its best racing is a great industry, and yeah it is a very tough gig at times. The racing game can be very depressing, it is often a tale of woe.
Way back when I wore a younger man’s clothes, I owned a racehorse. I had high hopes for the well-bred 3-year-old mare, but at her first race start at Bordertown she started at 10 to 1 and unfortunately finished about half past two.
Even though I carried a bit of weight around my girth and hardly had the build of a jockey, I once tried horse riding. Began at the Ronnie Weeks School of Riding in Gawler but I soon understood the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse is the ground.
‘Jonny Darren Beadman’ I was not.
My mum, bless her soul, she loved horse racing. She had no idea what was going on, but she loved it.
She was a funny lady, she once asked me, “How do you spell hungry horse” I said to my Mum that I had no idea, she replied, “MTGG”.
Sadly, Mum thought it was funny.
And Mum, for the record we still laugh at your little life faux pas, you are gone but never forgotten.
Back in the days when I was known to down a few froffies, I was one to chat up the fillies. I did well at it, I had some great pick-up lines that meant I was ahead of the field.
One night at the Fannie Bay track in Darwin we adjourned to the Laurels Lounge after the last race, the night was going well when I spotted this gorgeous looking chicky-babe sitting on her own at the bar. Over I galloped and said to her, “I am a race caller, and your pants remind me of how I start when calling a horse race.”
The filly looked at me rather odd and I added, “Do you know why.” She just continued to look oddly at me but did say, “No, why?”
“Annnnnd, they’re off.”
Probably best I don’t tell you her response but as she walked away, I did say, “Hey, and if we share a life together, I will never treat you like a horse, I won’t shoot you when you’re old.”
Taking of having a few grogs, my life history will show that I was a regular participant as a seasoned drinker.
Back in the day, an afternoon of horse racing meant having a few drinks, then a few more and sometimes, ok most times a few more. Sheeesh, ok, a real skin full.
I was once telling Ruth about an experience I had at that point in life. I told the story of how one day after a skin full of larger I was riding a horse and right alongside me was giraffe. Then looking around there was a lion and a unicorn right behind.
“Wow Jonny G, what did you do?” Ruth asked.
“Well, I got straight off that bloody carousel, shook my head and gave up the grog for a month."
My mate Bob, from Hackham, he is a punter. Loves a bet, he is a regular at the TAB bar at the Woody.
He recently said to me, “Jonny G, you go to church, you’re one of those Christian do-gooders.”
“So do you know the difference between praying at the racetrack and praying at church?”
I shook my head to say no. Bob replied, “At the race track you really mean it.”
Horse racing universally is many things to many people. Discussion will always center around what era produced the best horses, who in fact was the best horse, who was the best trainer, the best hoop, opinions are always divided.
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
I read this story recently about a young jockey in country Victoria who was dating one of the stable hands at a local training center. The relationship grew and eventually they decided to get married.
It was a lavish wedding, the who’s who of Victorian racing attended and at the end of the reception the young hoop and his bride say their farewells and head off to the city to book into this posh hotel.
While checking in the lady behind the desk asks, “We have two suites available for you to choose from, as this is your first night as a married couple, would you like the bridal?”
“No thanks” said the young jockey, “I'll just hold her ears till she gets the hang of it!”
Another story I recently read was about a trainer in Perth at Ascot races. One day he was giving his jockey the last-minute riding instruction in the mounting yard. As he was talking, he popped something into the mouth of the horse.
Just at that moment a steward walked past and challenged the trainer, “What was that I just saw you give to your horse, are you doping your runner?”
“Settle down, it’s ok” said the trainer, “It’s just a jellybean, here have one.” The steward looked puzzled but took the jellybean and ate it.
As the trainer then went back to giving his riding instruction he said to the jockey “Remember to stay on the fence, kick away on straightening and you’re a certainty, but for the record, now the only thing that could possibly pass you in the run to the post would be that bloody steward.”
The AFL could learn from horse racing. It could introduce pre and after game swabbing to rid the sport of cheats.
It could start with Umpire Grant Vernon (shut up Jan). He is a cheat.
You would remember of course that he is the umpire who cost the Cats the 1997 AFL premiership by gifting it to the Adelaide Cows. Had Umpire Vernon paid that courageous pack mark to Lee Colbert late in a final at Footy Park then footy history would read different.
A simple game day swab was required that day to check what gear this bloke was on. But sadly, it was never taken. Umpire Vernon got away with the biggest sting ever experienced on a footy field. Bastard.
Gee, that went on a bit hey, but it ends now. Thanks for checking in. Go Cats
And as I do, I will leave you with a JonnyG thought.
Horse sense is a thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people
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The great William Pike, superstar, best in the game and he likes my jokes ... Johnny Allen, the Irish hoop who made Australia home, ridden a couple of winners for us ... Darren Gauci one of the greats of the saddle over such a long period of time ... Ted Byrne, jumps jockey champ, he was an early idol for me as I emersed into the racing world, sadly Ted was killed in a car accident 50 years ago, he is still remembered, here in a pic on the jumps jockey honor wall at the famous Warrnambool racecourse ... Linda Meech, great hoop, horses really run for her, rides a lot of winners ..,
The trainers
Even more favorites
Ruth and I have been fortunate to travel for many race days across the country ... at Cranbourne for Friday night racing with Fixated ... a day out at Flemington, was a fun time ... we have spent many race days at Morphettville here in SA , finally had a winner as owners with our TRL group when Bellinger scored over 1300m recently ... Moonee Valley on a Friday night, great experience ... Covid messed up living for so long, was BS with crowds absent from race day but we had to make the best of our racing journey, here at our Pop-up Woodcroft Tavern for Team Captain on Melbourne Cup day 2021, he won the Maccas Run 2800m, was so darn exciting ...
The Blue Army
Our miRunners ownership group on course at Ararat on January 28th 2021 to witness Fixated winning, ridden by Harry Coffee our bloke was too quick and raced to a really strong win ... was one of the best days on a racetrack as an owner, so much noise, so much fun and so many happy people, a day never forgotten and just a day to savor ... Go you good thing ...
Love the horses
Bellarine Beauty winner at Kilmore, what a great day, exciting and rather loud ... Fixated winner at Penola, such a big day, really good win, another really loud day ... with Bellinger at Horsham, ran second but ran very well ... Ruth is introduced to Daisy by Malua Racing strapper Georgie Stone, yet another unforgettable moment at the races ...
The people you meet on a racetrack
You meet an assortment of people on a racetrack, urgers, coat pullers and great people ... have met Ross Cusack through our miRunners ownership group and now we share further ownership with TRL, it has been a great friendship over the time and Ross is a racing buff and top bloke, oh, he is a Tigers fan so that means lost friendship points but he still rates very highly ... Ray Fewings, the golden voice as a race caller, he made calling sound easy and was a must listen for SA race followers over many decades, also a trotting driver and a greyhound trainer ... Charlie Dixon, Port Power, not really sure why he features here ... and this bloke, wow, that suit and hat, at Balaclava Cup day last year, friendly and likeable lad ...
More of those people you meet on a racetrack
Brian Featherston, my cousin and lifelong friend, we have shared so many days at the races and the trots and even the dogs, been a good journey, Brian was my assistant race caller at Berri for the Riverland Racing Club and we also had the thrill of presenting racing shows for both the ABC and commercial radio ... with Peter Jolly, he is the dad of Richard and David Jolly both noted trainers here in SA, Peter and I go way back over 35 years ago to the Berri days, he was a trainer who would bring horses to race there, in fact his speedster Run A Drum won a number of races at the track and was the first winner for Philip Stokes as a jockey when he was an apprentice in Adelaide to John Hall ... with Mark and Heidi Jeffery at Murray Bridge after a win by Toyetic, I share ownership with Mark in the pacer The Kapiti Express ... Alan Fitzpatrick and Kylie Ladgrove are a part of the miRunners ownership group, great people and good friends, oh and Cat fans, Go Cats ... with David Binyon, we are in the TRL ownership group and recently had Bellinger win at Morphettville, David was at one time a strapper for his dad David (Snr) and they are another Berri race track connection ... love this racing game ...
I still laughed at all the golden oldies in this story. Love the jellybean joke.
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